- HD – Hugh Dennis
- RB – Rory Bremner
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- AP – Andy Parsons
- JB – Jo Brand
- MS – Mark Steel
Unsettling Things To Hear In the White HouseEdit
- MS: As your doctor Mr. Bush I can assure you, you are fit and healthy.
- JB: Does your cigar taste a bit funny?
- HD: So let me get this straight, we're handing over the management of the Star Wars Missile Protection Program to Railtrack
- RB: Oh that, that's a map of Iran.
- FB: Who's the President here, me or you? ... It's me?! Shit!
- HD: No,no,no Saddam, I love you too.
- JB: Come on Tony, keys in the bowl.
- AP: Welcome President Schwarzenegger.
Discarded Titles For the Next Harry Potter BookEdit
- FB: Harry Potter Is Thrown In Jail for Wearing a Hood
- JB: Harry Potter and the Wet Dream
- HD: Captain Corelli's Mandolin
- AP: Harry Potter and the Mud Blood Prince In a Nazi Uniform
- RB: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce
- MS: Harry Potter Does Dallas
- FB: Harry Potter and the Child Actor's Inevitable Mental Breakdown
- RB: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Abu Ghraib
- AP: Harry Potter and the Two Other Kids Who Can't Act
Things You Shouldn't Say To the Queen On Being Given Your HonourEdit
- MS: How did you kill Diana?
- HD: I eat corgis.
- JB: Where's that racist twat, is he around anywhere?
- RB: Oh that reminds me I must post that letter.
- AP: Could you sign this for me, I'll make much more on eBay.
- FB: Ma'am you have no idea how much pussy this is going to get me.