- HD - Hugh Dennis
- CA - Chris Addison
- MJ - Milton Jones
- AP - Andy Parsons
- EB - Ed Byrne
- AV - Ava Vidal
Lines you wouldn't hear in a sci-fi movie Edit
HD - Captain's log *star date 2135....it's a Tuesday.
AP - Actually, Jeremy Kyle's just got the DNA results back, and apparently Luke, I'm not your father.
EB - Commander Skywalker, bad news. We left R2D2 outside to stand guard and the council took him away for emptying,
CA - I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. I've seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of arian. I've seen....
MJ - There's a giant satsuma in front of the ship. Go to Orange Alert.
AP - First there was Snakes on a plane, now the British remake Wasp in a car.
CA - You can't win Darce. If you strike me down now I will become more powerful, get off you prick.
EB - What is it captain? I've never seen anything like it in my life. Of course not, Scotty, it's the sun.
AV - Since you have got your laser gun trained on me, I've got a bit of stubborn hair just here.
MJ - Permission to beam down to the forbidden planet. No....
AP - I can see dead people. That's because I'm watching UK TV GOLD.
HD - Here are the Sci-fi football results: R2D..2, C3P..nil.
EB - Look at all those fading, dwindling stars, forced to eat bugs in the jungle.
MJ - If you leave our protection you will almost definitely die. Scotty, do you still want independence?
CA - Luke, I am your father, go to your room.
HD - Captain, I don't like it when you call me...Spock-face.
AP - To boldly go where no man has gone before.....Anne Widdicombe.
EB - How many cling-ons does it take to change a dilithium crystal? Ten, one to change it and the other nine to chastise him for performing such a medial task as a member of a proud warrior race.
Unlikely personal ads Edit
EB - I could be the man of your dreams, if you dream of a man who exposes himself to people on trains.
AP - I'm a cat person. I sleep all day and I bury my poo in the garden.
HD - For sex with no strings attached, don't shag a puppet.
AV - Katie Price seeks new husband, position temporary, usual terms and conditions apply.
CA - Looking for love in all the wrong places, well you wanted to be a priest.
MJ - Ugly, fat bloke, looking for a supermodel with a sense of humour
EB - Man prone to violent mood swings seeks lovely woman to go screw yourself I love you.
AP - Female, 22, 33, 52. One of them's my age. Are you feeling lucky punk?
MJ - Agoraphobic seeks claustrophobic for doorstep encounters.
EB - I am ponus of the planet testicolon eight. I seek a human female to take my seed, make better world for both our planets. Dave, Croydon.
AP - Pessimistic man, seeks depressed old lady, so as we can have some really shit times together.
AV - Gorgeous, five foot eleven black woman, amazing body, great rack. I just thought I'd put it out there.
AP - I'm a George Clooney look-alike who's looking for a woman with visual impairment.
MJ - Do you like swinging? Meet me down by the swings.
HD - I'm looking for a dominant woman. Tell me to call you.
CA - Do you like dogs? Good, 'cause I'm small, hairy and hung like a border terrier.
HD - Sophisticated, erudite man with <> Seeks woman with massive norks.
CA - Man with massive cock, seeks woman with large hen to discuss poultry farm.