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Scenes We'd Like To See
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Category · Infobox

Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Templates
Link to an edition of the round
Link to a specific scenario
TOC for scenario lists

The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fifth episode of the fourteenth series.

Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • EB - Ed Byrne
  • MJ - Milton Jones
  • MF - Matt Forde
  • ZL - Zoe Lyons
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe

Topics Edit

Unlikely Things For A Sports Comentator To Say Edit

JW - Embarassing, humiliating, being shamed on the sport. Welcome to Wimbledon today, with me Clare Balding.

EB - And it all comes to this, after years of training and preparation, I'm commentating on epoxy water polo.

HD - Mo Farah has apologised for his association with substances that the British public regard as abhorrent, and has said he will never advertise Quorn again.

ZL - Welcome back to golf, where Tiger Woods apparently travels with 2 inflatable sex dolls now in case he gets a hole in one.

MJ - And he's found a chocolate biscuit down the back of the sofa but he's not going to celebrate because this is old club.

MF - And he's resting two balls on the cushion there, which is why he won't be allowed back into <>.

JW - And he pops the cork and he spray everyone with champagne, welcome to the first Conservative budget since 1966.

MJ - Here we are at the crucible, ALL BURNING TO DEATH! AHHH!!!

ZL - Well, that was speed skating, and now, crack cocaine curling.

MJ - The American and the Russian are out in front, and here comes the Finn, yes they're going to swim a lot faster now that a shark is chasing them.

JW - And so they brought up a curtain around the horse that fell earlier, but no, we've got good news, he's moved to a farm in the countryside.

HD - Well, there we are, at the rugby league, it's tough <>, it's better than rugby union, and at the same time, <> is slightly more gay.

MF - And this decision is going to a tough judge, and yes, it's sexual harassment.

HD - Well, this is his 3rd attempt with the bar at this height. Nope! Still can't get served.

EB - And here comes the 2 red bulls, which is what you'll need to keep yourself awak during Formula One.

JW - I'm joined here with Balding, or Alan Shearer as she'll like to be known.

HD - <>, the Viagra simply not working.

MF - And if you want to find out what this function key on the keyboard does, join us after the break, on F1.

ZL - And after the break, join me, Clare Balding, presenting everything. I present everything now. Everything is mine. Everything.

Unlikely Things To Hear In A Gardening ProgrammeEdit

EB - There's something about eating food that's come from your own garden. This is quite a hearty stew I've made out of a squirrel I shot with an air rifle.

HD - Well, to answer your question, I tend to keep mine on a hose reel, but then, I'm very lucky down there.

MJ - These pine trees smell suspiciously of air freshener.

ZL - My advice is that we don't splash out on expensive gnomes. Do as I do and just simply varnish some small children I found playing in the park.

MF - I call this one my Blue Peter garden because it's the first place I've blew Peter.

EB - Remember, the trick is to get your pitch fork right through it, before you take it and throw it back over the fence.

HD - Well, we had a letter from Mrs. Smith and she's asked us to identify something that she has found in our garden. Well Mrs. Smith, that's a dog turd.

ZL - I've got a letter from Mory in Doncaster who's asking a question about herbs. In response to your letter, Mory, we recommend about 200 pounds for a ounce, and if it's really good shit, 300.

HD - Well, that is the wheelbarrow, and tomorrow, I'll show you another sexual position.

JW - So it's quite simple to take up an old patio, all you do is lik... just leave it. Let's not talk about it ever again.

MJ - I woke up in a field of aubergines the other day. I thought: none of these baby seals have faces.

ZL - Right, welcome to the UKIP garden. Sod the lawn, let's concentrate on them borders.

JW - So you could use a lawnmower or a strimmer, although I would recommend waxing. 

EB - Take the shovel, force it right down like that, save you a fortune in vets' fees having it put down professionally. 

MJ - Help, I'm attacked by pineapples! Help! Help... help!

EB - I like to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People say to me, "How do you find the thyme?" I say, "It's there, next to the sage!"

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