- HD: Hugh Dennis
- MJo: Milton Jones
- JW: Josh Widdicombe
- ET: Ellie Taylor
- MJu: Miles Jupp
- LG: Loyiso Gola
Unlikely Things for a Sports Commentator to Say Edit
JW - And there you have it, Andy Murray has won his second Wimbledon, thank you for watching. I'm Tim Henman, this is the worst day of my life.
HD - Let's see what the batsman does with this ball. He's nicked it. Give us back our ball!
MJu - Well, he has really got the end of that, he has hit that ball a long way, long long long way back in the crowd. That is dreadful snooker.
MJo - Rooney, to Vardy, back to Rooney, to Vardy, nope, neither of them could open that packet of sandwiches.
LG - And the results for the Russian doping test have come out, I must say those are some good drugs.
ET - So nice to see Quidditch finally in the Olympics, look at all the proud, proud virgins.
HD - Eugenie Bouchard hits the backhand. That is a fantastic shot! Well done, the cameraman! Low angle, perfect view of her knickers!
JW - So you join us here for the opening ceremony of Rio 2016, and the stadium is rocking, mainly because they haven't finished building it yet.
MJo - Eeeee, yes, this Grand Prix is cancelled, but I managed to catch a wasp under this paper cup, eeeeee!!!
JW - That's a bullseye, and you know what that means? I won't be buying a pie from Gregg's again.
HD - McElroy, takes out the driver. Uber aren't gonna be happy about that.
MJu - Look at all that athletes in peak physical condition, if I could see one of them naked, I would die happy.
HD - And with one lap to go, the pacemaker drops out, where the fuck is my pacemaker?!