- HD – Hugh Dennis
- RB – Rory Bremner
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- AP – Andy Parsons
- JB – Jo Brand
- JO – John Oliver
The Wrong Thing To Say On Your First Day In The ArmyEdit
AP: You guys look great!
- FB: When they said it was going to be just like the movies, i didn't realise they meant Brokeback Mountain.
- HD: This room's great. Where are the rest of you sleeping?
- JO: I beg your pardon? Drop and give me twenty PLEASE! You will get nothing by shouting.
- JB: Can i have a cuddle?
- RB: Erm, this is just one weekend a month, right?
- HD: So does Teddy get his own bunk?
- AP: If you play your cards right, you might be able to stand outside one of Grandma's palaces.
Bad Things For The England Manger To Be Caught SayingEdit
JB: Can you just explain the offside rule again?
- AP: Well the thing about Crouch is that he's got a very light touch for a big man.
- FB: Wayne Rooney may be ugly, but when he holds me in his arms, i feel safe.
- HD: I want you to go out there and give it your best for the whole 60 minutes.
- RB: I've just named a side i think can win the world cup - it's Brazil.
- HD: Sweden! Sweden! Sweden!
Ill Advised Things For a Lib Dem Leadership Candidate To SayEdit
RB: Hello, i'm Charles Kennedy.
- JO: Let me reassure all of you, the only skeletons that i have in MY closet are the skeletons of the two people i killed on a skiing holiday over 15 years ago.
- JB: It's fucking MING-ISS!
- HD: Meeeooowwwwww!
- FB: Sorry i'm late, i had trouble finding a vein.
- HD: As the son of God.......
- JO: Well i tell you, the best thing about being a Liberal Democrat.....the bitches.
- HD: Oh, what's the point?