The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the tenth episode of the fifth series.
What a News Reporter Would Never SayEdit
- RH: Next on News 24, I'm going to punch a zebra. Who cares? No one's watching.
- FB: Rape, Murder, Arson. I've had a fantastic weekend.
- HD: Here, children as young as eight are forced to earn their own living... MORE POLISH! MORE POLISH! I WANT TO SEE MY FACE!
- FB: Here on the streets it seems that Britain is completely in the grip of gang culture. This is John Simpson...FOR THE ITN MASSIF!
- GY: Can you hear the bombs falling? No? That's because they're in Baghdad, I'm here in Peckham.
- HD: Reports of a mystery man loitering in the area... turned out to be me!
- FB: News just in; (confused) "'Go to a break. Your wife's been hit by a truck?"
- EB: And it was just a few feet from here that the shots were fired, I know, I fired them!
- HD: Well, finally the power in Beirut seems to be back on. The radiator I'm chained to is getting quite warm.
- FB: Even amidst the devastation of this earthquake there are still stories of hope... I found a man's wallet!
- AP: (in a distorted voice) I am actually in my bedroom but I am trying to make it look like I'm in Baghdad on a satellite phone
- FB: And I can't help thinking that if my country was gripped by famine... I'd just move!
Unlikely Letters To Be Read Out On Points of ViewEdit
- HD: 'Why oh why oh why, is the stucture of my chromosomes.'
- EB: 'Dear BBC, I watched a light entertainment programme on your network the other night that wasn't hosted by Graham Norton. Is he ill?
- RH: 'Dear BBC. how did you manage to get those hippos to swim in a circle?!'
- GY: 'Dear BBC, I am a Nigerian general with 30 million pounds to put in your bank account'
- HD: *in a perverted voice*'Last night, I turned on to your new porn channel...CBoobies...'
- FB: *in a strange voice* 'Dear Points of View, I would like to complain about the weird voice you're reading out my letter in!'
- RH: 'Dear Points of View, has anyone else noticed that Pat Butcher looks like the honey monster from the Sugar Puffs advert?'
- AP: 'Dear BBC, when are you going to show Nuts on the Road, Nim Nim Nim?!'
- FB: 'Dear Points of View, I watched Silent Witness with the sound off and it didn't make any sense!'
- EB: 'Dear BBC, well its now 30 years down the line and I'm no closer to owning a robotic house-maid. Tomorrow's World? Tomorrow's horseshit more like!
- FB: Dear Points of View, watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy made me think that when I made gay friends they give me fashion tips, actually they fucked me!
- FB: 'The other night I was watching Nigella Lawson. I picked up some good tips on baking bread...and in the process, I just about ripped my cock off.'