- HD – Hugh Dennis
- AP – Andy Parsons
- FB – Frankie Boyle
- RH – Russell Howard
- MW – Mark Watson
- JC – Jo Caulfield
Unlikely Small AdsEdit
FB: Erectile problems? Ha hahahaha
AP: Found. DVD of Lost.
HD: Want to earn £££? Yes, £3.
FB: Would you like no strings attached sex? Contact my whore of an ex-wife.
HD: Worried about hair loss? You bald bastard.
AP: (Was about to say something after HD's suggestion, but was buzzed off before suggesting)
FB: Dog available to good home. Free prawn crackers with every delivery.
JC: Want to earn money at home? Become a prostitute, it's easy.
HD: Problems with your short-term memory, can't remember what you've just read. Problems with your short-term memory....
MW: Room to let. No-one has died in it. No-one.
RH: Wanted, one Spice Girls ticket and one gun.
FB: Bored, lonely, depressed? Meet like-minded people at salsa dancing.
Excerpts From DVDs That Wouldn't SellEdit
HD: My name is Hannibal Lecter. I'm a vegan.
FB: I'm afraid one thing you're going to be fighting for some time, Bond...is HIV.
AP: WELCOME TO ANTIQUES ROADSHOW TOO HOT FOR TV.
RH: From the makers of Alien vs Predator, Alien vs Pingu.
HD: (deep voice) From the makers of Snakes on a Plane, Mice on a Tube.
FB: Here's Looking At You, Kid, is why I'm in a Cambodian jail.
RH: 3-love. I'm Ann Widdecombe and this is Naked Table Tennis.
FB: Ahh, Frodo, you're hurting me. When I said you should destroy the ring......