The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the third episode of the ninth series.
Unlikely Things To Hear At The World CupEdit
- RH: I tell you what that Nelson Mandela is a bit of a dick.
- AP: And on comes the sub for North Korea and it's torpedoed the opposition.
- HD: Heskey scores.
- MF: There they are Scotland through to the final 16.
- EB: And we're a bit short of time this week so both sides have been told to just play the highlights.
- RH: The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
- HD: Well it's very hard to tell with his legs at that angle but no that is definately a Brazilian.
- CA: (in Italian accent) Yes on the one hand we lose the tournament but on the plus side it's Dolmio tonight.
- RH: Thats right Emmanual Adebuyor I understand exactly what you just said.
- AP: And the English are taunting the American fans by holding up an oil covered pelican.
- CA: Oh goody James Corden's show's on next.
- HD: England are of course being sponsored by Tesco online and that is why John Terry is being substituted by three ripe avocadoes.
- AP: Here we are on safari there is a giraffe and there is an ostrich I'm terribly sorry it's Peter Crouch's parents.
- HD: England are playing fantasticly this is a splendid DVD of 1966.
- EB: And what a shame Ireland couldn't be here but then Thierry Henri is a filthy cheating lying bitch.
- CA: You want carpet crazy Diego de carpet.
Unlikely Letters To Television ChannelsEdit
- RH: Dear Channel Five, your recent documentary on dyslexia was insightful and insensitive please show The Boy With Shit For Brains again!
- HD: As a terrorist, I have been watching Countdown with interest. It is rubbish, nothing happens!
- AP: Dear News 24. Go to bed!
- MF: Dear Babe Station, have you actually read the trace description there?
- CA: Dear Bravo. I don't quite know how to put this, but well done.
- EB: Dear Channel 5. Isn't it time you just called it a day? No one will mourn!
- HD: I'm writing to thank you, on Sunday afternoon, whilst watching television with my wife, I was urged to press the red button. I did, and my wife her first orgasm in forty years.
- RH: Dear Al Jazzera, please bring back your hit sitcom, Men Behaving Baghdadly!
- MF: Dear History Channel. The Nazis were bad, we get it.
- CA: Dear Hallmark: Roses are red, violets are blue, your cards are shit and your channel is too.
- EB: Dear Channel Four: Why don't you pricks book me for any of your shows?
- CA: Dear Sky Sports -1: Thanks for showing the Grand National, I won one hundred thousand pounds!
- AP: Dear Points Of View: Who do I complain to if I think points of view is shit?
- HD: Dear Fiver: If I give you a tenner will you please stop broadcasting?
- RH: Dear Channel Four: Why not liven up Deal Or No Deal by putting a nail bomb in one of the boxes?
Ad blocker interference detected!
Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers
Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.