Fandom

Mock The Week Wiki

Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 9, Episode 5

413pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Scenes We'd Like To See
SWLTS701
Category · Infobox

Series 1
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 2
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 3
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6
Full list of scenarios

Series 4
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
Full list of scenarios

Series 5
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 6
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 7
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 8
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5
2010 Sport Relief Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 9
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 10
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 11
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12
Full list of scenarios

Series 12
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 13
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Compilation Episode
Christmas Special
New Year's Eve Special
Full list of scenarios

Series 14
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Series 15
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11
Full list of scenarios

Templates
Link to an edition of the round
Link to a specific scenario
TOC for scenario lists

The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the fifth episode of the ninth series.

KeyEdit

TopicsEdit

Rejected Questions From This Year's ExamsEdit

  • HD: To keep them cool, the testes of the male homo sapiens are on the outside. Should he put them back in his trousers?
  • RH: Wayne lives 3 miles away from Kayleigh, and Martin lives six miles away from Wayne. Who got her pregnant?
  • EB: If an oil well is spitting out oil at 50.000 barrels a day, how do you stop it? No really, how do you stop it?
  • AP: If you mix blue and yellow, how crap is your government?
  • HD: If Mary has 1 apple, Thomas has an apple and an orange and Tarquin has two apples, an orange, an ugly fruit and 2 kumquats, whose parents read The Guardian?
  • SF: Which is faster: a cheetah or Mel Gibson leaving the mobos?
  • RH: If you removed a man's lower intestine and stretched it as far as it could go, how angry would he be?
  • CA: Calculate the circumference of Eamonn Holmes using Pi.
  • AP: A car is travelling at a constant speed of 70 miles an hour, around the M25. In what imaginary universe are they in fact travelling?
  • RH: Henry the Eighth loved the bitches. Discuss.
  • EB: Chemistry. What's that smell?
  • HD: Nelson lost an arm and an eye. Why didn't he call claims direct?
  • AP: Your mom's a slag. Discuss.

Things You Won't Hear In a Gardening ProgrammeEdit

  • HD: If you're into naked gardening, here's a tip. Be careful what you do with the (voice gets higher) shears!
  • RH: And that, folks, is how you get rid of a body!
  • CA: Not only that, but somebody has been sneaking into the allotment and putting top-soil on the ground... the plot thickens!
  • AP: Last year I couldn't be bothered to dig up my garden, so I phoned up Time Team and told them I'd just found a Roman coin!
  • RH: And now over to our lawnmower expert, Stumpy Jeff! (As Stumpy Jeff) Hi, guys!
  • EB: You see David here has got some nice budlia, and Jemai over there, she's got some nice hydrangia, and I've got Chlamydia!
  • HD: Well, that's it for this week. I'm off home to plant my seeds. My wife's ovulating and I don't want to miss my slot!
  • RH: Why grow flowers like this when you can steal them from a traffic blackspot?
  • AP: Last week you were complaining about rabbits being rampant in your garden, being a pest. But let me tell you, I've got a rampant rabbit and when it's in my garden it causes nothing but joy!
  • HD: Well I've been having trouble with a mole. He keeps passing confidential information to other gardeners.
  • EB: You see, we've got a nice rockery over there, and there's a lovely fountain we've put in, and next to that is the Tree Of Knowledge - YOU WILL NOT EAT FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE!
  • CA: If your lawn suffers from patchy grass, just grow it long one side and comb it over!
  • HD: And if you leave it for about four or five years, it should be just the right height, to piss behind.
  • SF: In a garden it's - wh-who's blocking my light? Dara, could you just...
  • AP: And over here is a wonderful water feature, like in Brussels, of a small boy pissing. This ones from Thailand, and I pay him twenty pence a week.
  • RH: He ain't lying, it's good money!

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.