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Episode 5
Title Series 1, Episode 5
Air date 3 July 2005
Host Dara Ó Briain
Left team John Oliver
Hugh Dennis
Frankie Boyle
Right team David Mitchell
Rory Bremner
Jo Brand
Result Hugh and Frankie's team won
Episode guide
Previous Series 1, Episode 4
Next Series 1, Episode 6

The fifth episode of the first series was first broadcast on the 3 July 2005.

GuestsEdit

Team Guest #
Hugh and Frankie's team John Oliver 3rd appearance
Rory's team David Mitchell 2nd appearance
Jo Brand 3rd appearance

RoundsEdit

HeadlinersEdit

  • B.W.C.B. – Blair Wins Card Battle
    • DM: Blair Worships Crazy Bush
    • JB: Blair Wants Capelin Beheaded
    • RB: Blair Wins Cha-cha Battle
    • HD: Blair Waves Credibility Goodbye
    • JO: Boyish Wave Camouflages Bullshit
    • HD: Burn the Witch Cherie Blair
    • DM: Britain Wants Calais Back
    • RB: Blair Wrong, Cards Bad
Red indicates the use of a large word with an incorrect initial.


Between The LinesEdit

Hugh Dennis tells us what George W. Bush (Rory Bremner) is really saying.


  • RB: My fellow Americans
  • HD: People of Florida
  • RB: 2 years ago, I declared hostilities in Iraq were over
  • HD: Unfortunatly no-one told the over side
  • RB: See, we were proven wrong in Iraq, thay said there was no link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda
  • HD: There is now
  • RB: People have to understand, the problem was, essentially our lack of intelligence
  • HD: People have to understand the problem was essentially my lack of intelligence
  • RB: See, the problem is people keep putting words in my mouth
  • HD: Imagine what it would be like if they didn't
  • RB: But we will stay in Iraq, until the job is done
  • HD: We will stay in Iraq until the oil is finished

Spinning The NewsEdit

National Survey The Trafalgar Celebrations The Olympic Bid Diana Obesity and Diet
Frankie Boyle Rory Bremner John Oliver David Mitchell Hugh Dennis & Jo Brand


If this is the answer, what is the question?Edit

The Environment
  • Answer: Between 19 and 23
  • Question: By how many feet COULD sea levels rise if global warming causes the ice caps to melt?
  • DM: Where the postman puts mail for number 27?
  • RB: What the percentage of the votes constitutes a great result for the Liberal Democrats?
  • JB: How much will Wayne Rooney weigh in stone 2 monthes after he retires?
  • HD: Where are the numbers 20, 21 and 22?
  • HD: If you're Peter Stringfellow, how old is too old?
  • FB: How many times would I listen to the Cold Play LP before slipping into a fatal coma?
  • JO: How many people actually care about the environment?


Scandal
  • Answer: No, No, No
  • Question: What answer did Faria Alam give in 2004 when asked by The Mail on Sunday whether David Davis had flirted with her?
  • FB: In alphapetical order what are Ian Paisley's 3 favourite words?
  • HD: How would the word no sound if you said it once in a cave?
  • DM: The name of a new musical based on the life of John Lesley?
  • JB: Prince Charles' reaction when he found out the Queen only had a cold?

Prime Mininster's QuestionsEdit

Headline
  • "Farmers Want Couch Potato Label Banned"


Roles
  • DÓ: Speaker of the House of Commons
  • RB: Tony Blair
  • DM: One of Blair's Labour colleagues on the front bench
  • JB: One of Blair's Labour colleagues on the front bench
  • HD: One of the opposition benchers
  • JO: One of the opposition benchers
  • FB: One of the opposition benchers


Scenes We'd Like To SeeEdit

Main article: Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 1, Episode 5
  • Bad things to say on stage at Live 8.
  • What the voices in Prince Charles' head are saying.
  • Inappropriate things to say on winning Wimbledon.

External linksEdit

Mock the WeekSeries 1 Episodes
Episode 1 · Episode 2 · Episode 3 · Episode 4 · Episode 5 · Episode 6

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