Episode 97
Title Series 11, Episode 1
Air date 14 June 2012
Host Dara Ó Briain
Left team Greg Davies
Hugh Dennis
Chris Addison
Right team Andy Parsons
Nathan Caton
Micky Flanagan
Result Chris and Hugh's team won
Episode guide
Previous Series 10, Episode 13
Next Series 11, Episode 2

The first episode of the eleventh series was first broadcast on the 14 June 2012


Team Guest #
Chris and Hugh's team Greg Davies 5th appearance
Andy's team Nathan Caton 2nd appearance
Micky Flanagan 8th appearance



    • O.B.E.C. - Osborne Blames European Crisis
      • AP: Old Berliner Eats Chin
      • NC: Oh, Bubblegum's Extra Chewy
      • GD: Opulant Bellend Enjoys Coffee
      • MF: Osborne Bangs Euro Cutie
      • CA: Oberschichtige Berühmte Englische Currywurst
      • HD: Oh, Blimey, Ēs Catastrophe
      • CA: Offensichtliche Beschämende Egoistische Currywurst
      • CA: Orangefarbige Bestechliche Ehrgeizige Currywurst
      • HD: Osborne Believes he is Elvis's Child

Angela Smirkel's Comedy BailoutEdit

Finance Health Relaxation
Andy Parsons Nathan Caton Chris Addison

If This Is the Answer, What Is the Question?Edit

Home News
  • Answer: Trains, Toilets and Celebrities
  • Question: What 3 things were most complained about at the Queen's Jubilee?
  • NC: If you're going to make a sex tape on public transport, what three things do you need?
  • HD: What three flavors come through when you're tasting English wine?
  • CA: According to the coalition agreement, what three things do the Lib-Dems have responsibility for?
  • HD: Name three things I've left my umbrella in
  • MF: Is it three things you're probably best off not to lick clean?
  • CA: What is the name of Thomas the Tank Engine's no holds barred autobiography?
  • GD: What Peter Andre says when he's asked what his daily routine is?
  • HD: What do we do better then Morocco?
  • AP: Name three things I've puked on at the Edinburgh Festival
  • CA: What are the three main talking points on a Saga holiday?
  • AP: Is it three things that are full of shit?

Scenes We'd Like To SeeEdit

  • Unlikely Things To Hear At An Awards Ceremony
  • CA: And the winner is Dara O' Briain
  • NC: And the award for Driver of the Year goes to David Cameron for his perfectly executed U-turn
  • HD: Welcome to the National Insincerity Awards. And can I say what a pleasure it is to be here
  • CA: And Soap of the Year goes to... (hums opening tune of 'Eastenders') 'Coronation Street!'
  • HD: Would you please welcome your host for tonight... Dec
  • MF: And the award for Best Actress this evening goes to John Travolta's wife
  • CA: Father of the year is... David Cameron!
  • GD: And predictably for the 50th year running, the Rear of the Year has been won by the same man. Come on up, Chris. (silence) It's a Chris Rear joke
  • NC: And the award for Best Film... Cling. Cling film
  • CA: This is the point in the Psychic Awards where we like to remember those we lost next year
  • HD: Well, they said it was ill-advised, but welcome to the first Witness Protection Scheme Awards
  • AP: And the award for Most Cleaveage on View goes to Eamonn Holmes' arse!
  • HD: Well now, our final category: Catergory C. There are 3 sex offenders nominated tonight...
  • MF: And I'd just like to say to the wife at home, you better not be around when I get home, sister, 'cause I'm big time now
  • GD: And the Best Post-Humously Realeased Rap Record goes to Kim Jong for 'I Told You I Was Ill'
  • AP: And to present Best Film in a Foreign Language, would you please welcome Nick Griffin
  • GD: And the winner of Rear of the Year is Chris Rear (wild applause)
  • Unlikely Lines From A Thriller
  • HD: What more evidence do you need that there is a mole? Look at the lawn!
  • AP: Your wife's head in a box. You must be the most unluckly contestant ever on 'Deal or No Deal'
  • CA: (camply) What colour wire do I have to cut? The lilac, the mauve, the salmon pink, or the fuschia?
  • GD: "I want to make you a vodka martini." "You can't handle vermouth!"
  • AP: "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" she purred. "Yes, it is a gun in my pocket and I've just shot my cock off."
  • HD: I'm telling you there will be no attack. This is a side picked by Roy Hodgson
  • NC: So Mr. Bond, we meet--- Ah! Flippin' cat!
  • MF: I'm telling you captain, I work best alone! But sometimes in a team! Basically, I'm saying I'm flexible
  • HD: So, Mr. Bond, we meet at last. Why don't we ever Skype?
  • GD: "I would like to gently lift your horse's foot." "You can't handle the hoof!"
  • CA: They had human liver with fava beans with a nice Chianti. But the entertainment was excellent, and he was a lovely host, so I'm going to give Hannibal 7 out of 10
  • MF: "Here's Johnny!" "Do you mind? I'm trying to have a shit in here"
  • AP: "This prostitute isn't dead," said the Norwegian detective. "She's just pining for the fjords."
  • GD: And as his eyes gradually became accustomed to the shadowy darkness, he realized he was not alone in that room. "Who is it?" "It's me Peter Andre!"

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