Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • MJo - Milton Jones
  • SW - Seann Walsh
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe
  • MJu - Miles Jupp

Topics Edit

Unlikely things to hear at Christmas time Edit

JW - Yes it's just what I wanted, a Seann Walsh DVD.

Seann: I want to fuckin' kill myself.

Miles: Well the evening's not been wasted.

Dara: Alright let's keep it festive. Keep it festive.

AP - I know you don't like the fairy but he's our son's boyfriend and he makes him very happy.

HD - Right now it's time for the nutty fruitcake soaked in booze. Come on down, granny.

MJo - George Michael you are accused of trafficking in human organs. Last Christmas someone gave you their heart.

JW - No just socks and aftershave. Why, what did you wear to church?

MJu - Oh guys you shouldn't have. No seriously you shouldn't have they're an endangered species, you can't make shoes from them

HD - Well it's nearly midnight and I can hear Big Ben. He's upstairs shagging my wife I'm not....

AP - I went to Africa last year. They do know it's Christmas.

SW - (Imitates crying) Daddy I just watched the snowman and at the end the ginger kid survived.

MJo - Last year for Christmas to help my grandfather give up smoking I bought him a petrol infused cigarette. His face lit up.

HD - Brian, when I told you to serve mulled wine to the next door neighbours with no cloves....put your pants on son.

AP - Santa, that's not the sack I wanted emptying.

HD - Welcome to the mock the week Christmas special which after Dara O'Briain's recent arrest for turkey worrying was obviously recorded in October.

SW - That was the christmas number one and now for the christmas number two. Come on. Can't wait. Goodbye brussel sprouts.

MJu - Oh guys you really shouldn't have. No seriously you should be... these are poisonous. Where did you pick them? Have you washed your hands? Where's Matthew?

AP - I know we said we'd take it in turns with our parents, but I just don't fancy your mum.

Dara: It's Christmas. That's your reason. It's Christmas.

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