- HD - Hugh Dennis
- MJo - Milton Jones
- SW - Seann Walsh
- AP - Andy Parsons
- JW - Josh Widdicombe
- MJu - Miles Jupp
Unlikely things to hear at Christmas time Edit
JW - Yes it's just what I wanted, a Seann Walsh DVD.
Seann: I want to fuckin' kill myself.
Miles: Well the evening's not been wasted.
Dara: Alright let's keep it festive. Keep it festive.
AP - I know you don't like the fairy but he's our son's boyfriend and he makes him very happy.
HD - Right now it's time for the nutty fruitcake soaked in booze. Come on down, granny.
MJo - George Michael you are accused of trafficking in human organs. Last Christmas someone gave you their heart.
JW - No just socks and aftershave. Why, what did you wear to church?
MJu - Oh guys you shouldn't have. No seriously you shouldn't have they're an endangered species, you can't make shoes from them
HD - Well it's nearly midnight and I can hear Big Ben. He's upstairs shagging my wife I'm not....
AP - I went to Africa last year. They do know it's Christmas.
SW - (Imitates crying) Daddy I just watched the snowman and at the end the ginger kid survived.
MJo - Last year for Christmas to help my grandfather give up smoking I bought him a petrol infused cigarette. His face lit up.
HD - Brian, when I told you to serve mulled wine to the next door neighbours with no cloves....put your pants on son.
AP - Santa, that's not the sack I wanted emptying.
HD - Welcome to the mock the week Christmas special which after Dara O'Briain's recent arrest for turkey worrying was obviously recorded in October.
SW - That was the christmas number one and now for the christmas number two. Come on. Can't wait. Goodbye brussel sprouts.
MJu - Oh guys you really shouldn't have. No seriously you should be... these are poisonous. Where did you pick them? Have you washed your hands? Where's Matthew?
AP - I know we said we'd take it in turns with our parents, but I just don't fancy your mum.
Dara: It's Christmas. That's your reason. It's Christmas.