Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • EB - Ed Byrne
  • JA - James Acaster
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • SP - Sara Pascoe
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe

Topics Edit

Unlikely things to hear at Christmas Edit

EB - I've burned the turkey and I'm shagging your brother. I'm joking the turkey's fine.

AP - Come and have a look at my yule log. That is definitely gonna need two flushes.

HD - So if the turkey is sitting in granny's seat, what did I put in the oven? And where did I shove that stuffing?

SP - Dad you don't need to get me a present, they've cut death taxes.

JA - Yeah Paul remember that cupboard we put up in the manga who gave birth to the messiah. They've destroyed us on trip adviser.

AP - No daddy Santa Claus is definitely giving me that gun I wanted for Christmas, 'cause when i sat on his lap I could feel it in his pocket.

JW - And Santa was particularly nervous as he approached the chimney of the Pistorius residence.

AP - I don't know what happened. The puppy was alive when I wrapped it.

HD - I've got you two things for Christmas, darling. A new life insurance policy and this. Don't open it until I'm a long way away.

JA - Well a) that's your Christmas and birthday present and b) yeah I've just gaffa taped a birthday cake to a Christmas wreath. Merry Birthmas.

EB - Now, granny we don't call them that anymore. Oh sorry, yeah no I'll have some eggnog.

HD - Yes we're having turkey with all the trimmings, from your father's beard.

EB - No I'm not saying you haven't made an effort, I'm just saying I didn't realise Pot noodle did a turkey flavour.

JW - Ah I knew they cared, they've sent me an e-card.

HD - I understand you do Fairtrade presents. I'd like to swap my wife for an I-phone 6.

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