- HD - Hugh Dennis
- MJ - Milton Jones
- EB - Ed Byrne
- AP - Andy Parsons
- KR - Katherine Ryan
- RR - Romesh Ranganathan
Things you wouldn't hear during an election campaign Edit
KR - I know we didn't follow through on all that bollocks we said before, but this time we really mean it.
AP - We in the Green Party think we've had a cracking election. Nobody's voted for us but they've put all the electoral literature from us in the correct recycling bin.
MJ - We will get rid of obesity by making the doors to chip shops really narrow.
EB - I've visited a factory today and the man let me ride on the forklift. It was good.
KR - We are not a racist party. Though we are throwing a racist party tonight for Nigel's birthday.
MJ - Farage this is my bunk-bed. You keep on the top bunk.
AP - For goodness sake Boris. When we said press the flesh with the electorate, we meant shake hands.
RR - I'm probably going to vote Lib Dem.
EB - I think the best way for me to explain why you should vote conservative is with this rap.
HD - Nick Clegg has demanded a recount. Here we go. One, happy now.
RR - The public have spoken and they've said that I'm a knob.
HD - We will shorten the waiting list for eye operations by building hospitals on the far side of busy roads.
RR - We plan to replace the glass ceiling for women with something much easier to clean.
Unlikely film trailers Edit
HD - (Deep voice) One man fights his greatest peril, laryngitis.
MJ - Troy. Certificate fifteen. If you're too young why don't you make a giant wooden adult....
AP - Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler in....Well it doesn't matter does it, it's going to be shit anyway.
RR - A UKIP film presentation. 101 Damn Asians.
KR - Tom Cruise in the most ludicrous sci-fi thriller yet. A Scientology documentary.
EB - This summer Russell Crowe is punching people randomly in the face.
MJ - From the makers of Cockaone (Makes Cawing noise) Cockatoo
KR - Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want to have the words to Let it go in your head all the time until you die? Then come and see Frozen. I dare you.
EB - Thor. You will be amazed at how many problems can be solved by a big man with a massive hammer.
HD - I can't read productions presents: Salmon fishing in the semen..Yemen
MJ - (points into distance) Look an ancient African city. From the makers of Timbukone...
RR - Russell Crowe stars as Bob Marley. The accent's so offensive you won't even care that he blacked up.
AP - No this isn't the day the earth stood still. It's just that your in Norfolk.
EB - Tom Cruise, explosions, a flash of boob....that'll do ya.
AP - Despicable me 3, now starring as the arch villain, Gru, Dara O'Briain.
MJ - It looks like a runner bean only smaller. From the makers of Mange one....
HD - "I only told you to blow the bloody door off!" In cinemas now, the Oscar Pistorius story.