Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • RR - Romesh Ranganathan
  • GD - Gary Delaney
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • TS - Tiff Stevenson
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe

Topics Edit

Unlikely things to hear at the dentist's Edit

AP - I think you may have to wear braces. It's just that your very fat and your trousers keep falling down.

HD - I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. When I said spit it out I wasn't expecting you to say you were shagging my wife.

JW - (Imitates talking on phone) Hello is that Mr Chang? We need to change your appointment. No we can do 2:15 or 2:45.

GD - Welcome to Dick Van Dyke the dentist. I'm afraid it's worse than bad breath. You've got supercalifragilisticextremehalitosis.

HD - I wouldn't say your root canal is in a bad way but I've just found a shopping trolley in it.

RR - Do you want a lollipop for being such a brave boy? Of course you do that's why your teeth look like cheesy wotsits you little prick.

JW - And now if you inhale the gas and try and guess what I had for breakfast.

HD - Yep you're right they are false. Had a good feel while she was unconscious.

GD - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE No don't worry that's not the sound of the drill it's just that my receptionist's a scouser.

AP - Your dental hygienist will see you soon, she's just going for a shit.

HD - Upper right six. Lower left seven. Sorry I'll be with you as soon as I've finished this game of battleships.

TS - Can I think of a celebrity who's veneers I'd like to copy? Probably Princess Monaco of Kent.

JW - Why do I want a crown? Well I'm Princess Monaco of Kent.

GD - This is most unusual madame, you don't seem to have any teeth at all. What's that? You're here for a smear test, that's next door.

Unlikely lines from a children's book Edit

TS - And Sleeping Beauty slept for a hundred nights. In fairness it had been a massive bend-up.

HD - "Ah, Black Beauty" she said. "I'm glad I bought you rather than the Rampant Rabbit."

RR - The dragon looked at him scarily. Little hobbit stepped up to him and said "Hello, I'm Josh Widdicombe".

AP - "What big eyes you have Grandma," said Little Red Riding Hood. "Yes" said Grandma. "I'm off my tits on methamphetamine."

GD - "You do not like green eggs and ham, well tough this is a weatherspoons.

TS - Mr Toad, Ratty, and Badger all went on an adventure in the motor car. Then Mr Toad accidentally said something racist on camera and was on his last warning from the BBC.

HD - "I bet you wish you were like me. I fall over all the time and I never hurt myself," said Mr Bounce. "Oh fuck off," said Mark Cavendish.

JW - And behind the jumpers and the coats at the back of the wardrobe there he was, Julian Assange.

RR - "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow you for five pounds."

HD - "Well what should we call our baby?" said Mr Dizzy. "Oh let's think," said Miss Rascal.

GD - Spot wondered why he'd been placed into the sack with the brick. But either way this was gonna be the best trip to the canal ever.

AP - The Fat Controller went on a business strategy course and from then on he wanted to be known as the Horizontally Gifted Chief Operations Manager.

RR - "Well Cinderella," she said. I'm your fairy princess, Princess Monaco of Kent."

JW - Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the chocolate factory, his girlfriend had been dead against it for years.

AP - It was maybe because Mr Tickle could reach around doorways and through windows that he came to the attention of operation U-tree.

RR - "And then you just have to try and pay your mortgage off before you die, good night son."

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