Key Edit

  • HD - Hugh Dennis
  • EB - Ed Byrne
  • GD - Gary Delaney
  • AP - Andy Parsons
  • KR - Katherine Ryan
  • JW - Josh Widdicombe

Topics Edit

Unlikely small ads Edit

JW - For sale. One harp. Really really used.

EB - For sale. One hang glider. Don't call before two as we're attending a funeral.

GD - For sale. Engagement ring. Never used. Would suit heartless bitch.

HD - Do you need a dog walker? You lazy bastard.

KR - Comedian seeks harp for no-strings-attached sex.

GD - After leaving an abusive relationship I'm looking for a fresh start. Contact Scotland.

AP - For sale. Freezer. Not working properly. Would make ideal fridge.

HD - Flexible nanny required. My wife only does a missionary position.

AP - For sale. Mitzuki 400 akx3s with extended cab and vortex box with three brushes. Would suit somebody who knows what the fuck it is.

EB - Retired celebrity looky-likey seeks alternative employment. Also for sale: Wobble-board, didgeridoo and paintbrushes.

JW - Do you enjoy moon-lit walks in the park? Then you might have witnessed a murder last Thursday.

KR - Internet troll seeks stupid, fat, whore, lesbian bitch for stimulating conversational walks on the beach.

AP - For sale. Book of logic puzzles. Would suit somebody who wants a book of logic puzzles.

GD - Correction. Last week's notice was mistakenly placed in the men seeking men column, but actually I am genuinely seeking someone to demolish my back entrance.

Unlikely lines from a superhero movie Edit

AP - "Come quick batman! Catwoman has just regurgitated Robin at the kitchen door again!"

HD - "He stopped us again. Damn you, Lollipop man."

EB - "Hey storm. I got something needs blowing."

AP - The dark night rises, has a quick tug, goes flaccid again.

HD - Spiderman is dead. And so was Flyman. Swallowed by Therewasanoldladywoman.

KR - "How was my date with Spiderman? Well you know how the average person swallows seven spiders in their sleep? What if it's like a million more than that?"

GD - "Oh my god there's a coach full of children about to fall off a bridge on the M40. Still, not to worry, I can take the M1 instead."

JW - "A gas leak at the orphanage? Sounds like a job for me the human torch."

HD - You are the superhero every man wants to see, Girlongirl.

AP - "Help we need to film these scenes quickly! This must be a job for Cameraman!"

GD - Of all the mutants, Magneto was the hardest to deal with as he was Bi-polar.

EB - "I am Patientman. I work out everyday, eat a high fibre diet, and simply outlive my enemies."

JW - Faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than an ox, and that's why we'd like you to piss in this cup.

EB - "They're getting away. What do we do Patientman?" "We wait."

AP - Spiderman, Spiderman does whatever a spider can. "Help I'm stuck in a bath!"

KR - "I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if he likes me. I wonder if I'm fat," Wonder Woman.

HD - "Is that your advice, Thor? Normally I just cook from frozen."

EB - "The gates the the Netherworld are opening. Thor. Hit them with your fucking hammer."

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