- HD - Hugh Dennis
- EB - Ed Byrne
- GD - Gary Delaney
- AP - Andy Parsons
- KR - Katherine Ryan
- JW - Josh Widdicombe
Unlikely small ads Edit
JW - For sale. One harp. Really really used.
EB - For sale. One hang glider. Don't call before two as we're attending a funeral.
GD - For sale. Engagement ring. Never used. Would suit heartless bitch.
HD - Do you need a dog walker? You lazy bastard.
KR - Comedian seeks harp for no-strings-attached sex.
GD - After leaving an abusive relationship I'm looking for a fresh start. Contact Scotland.
AP - For sale. Freezer. Not working properly. Would make ideal fridge.
HD - Flexible nanny required. My wife only does a missionary position.
AP - For sale. Mitzuki 400 akx3s with extended cab and vortex box with three brushes. Would suit somebody who knows what the fuck it is.
EB - Retired celebrity looky-likey seeks alternative employment. Also for sale: Wobble-board, didgeridoo and paintbrushes.
JW - Do you enjoy moon-lit walks in the park? Then you might have witnessed a murder last Thursday.
KR - Internet troll seeks stupid, fat, whore, lesbian bitch for stimulating conversational walks on the beach.
AP - For sale. Book of logic puzzles. Would suit somebody who wants a book of logic puzzles.
GD - Correction. Last week's notice was mistakenly placed in the men seeking men column, but actually I am genuinely seeking someone to demolish my back entrance.
Unlikely lines from a superhero movie Edit
AP - "Come quick batman! Catwoman has just regurgitated Robin at the kitchen door again!"
HD - "He stopped us again. Damn you, Lollipop man."
EB - "Hey storm. I got something needs blowing."
AP - The dark night rises, has a quick tug, goes flaccid again.
HD - Spiderman is dead. And so was Flyman. Swallowed by Therewasanoldladywoman.
KR - "How was my date with Spiderman? Well you know how the average person swallows seven spiders in their sleep? What if it's like a million more than that?"
GD - "Oh my god there's a coach full of children about to fall off a bridge on the M40. Still, not to worry, I can take the M1 instead."
JW - "A gas leak at the orphanage? Sounds like a job for me the human torch."
HD - You are the superhero every man wants to see, Girlongirl.
AP - "Help we need to film these scenes quickly! This must be a job for Cameraman!"
GD - Of all the mutants, Magneto was the hardest to deal with as he was Bi-polar.
EB - "I am Patientman. I work out everyday, eat a high fibre diet, and simply outlive my enemies."
JW - Faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than an ox, and that's why we'd like you to piss in this cup.
EB - "They're getting away. What do we do Patientman?" "We wait."
AP - Spiderman, Spiderman does whatever a spider can. "Help I'm stuck in a bath!"
KR - "I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder if he likes me. I wonder if I'm fat," Wonder Woman.
HD - "Is that your advice, Thor? Normally I just cook from frozen."
EB - "The gates the the Netherworld are opening. Thor. Hit them with your fucking hammer."